


A New Beginning

by krida



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst and Tragedy, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 21:35:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1914642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krida/pseuds/krida
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The year is 1855. Isabella Swan moves to Washington, the new Oregon territory with her father. They have just suffered a great loss after her mother's death and are looking for a new beginning. Things change, however, when her father is brutally murdered. Isabella finds herself all alone, with no money and no prospects. Her only chance is to marry a stranger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A New Beginning

**A New Beginning**

 

                                                                                                   

I couldn’t help but notice how empty the room looked. Nothing had been moved or changed, but it was as though something important was missing. Something essential… Even the room had noticed her passing.

 

With careful steps I entered, the familiar smells hitting me like a brick wall. I recognized the sweet scent of her perfume. Tears burned in my eyes and a large lump grew in my throat. I was so tired of crying. My fingers traced the piano, her most beloved possession. She would spend hours here, losing herself in beautiful music. She had taught me, but my clumsy fingers were nothing in comparison to her elegant ones. Never the less, she would always encourage me… tell me how practice makes perfect and that I was doing well.

 

I turned away from the instrument, the pain in my chest growing too strong for me to handle. Instead, I made my way to the sofa, sitting down gently. My stance was stiff as I looked around me. Her paintings and books were all mixed in with mine... This had been our room, our sanctuary. And now she was gone…

 

My mother… had loved unconditionally and was loved back in return. Her smile would brighten up any room, her laughter-. A tear made its way down my cheek. For a moment, as I sat there, it was almost as though I could hear her bell-like laughter echo in the room.   

 

“Lady Swan”, they’d called her. A title not commonly used here in “the New World”. My mother’s poise and elegance was evidence of her fine upbringing. Her soft English accent shining through every time she spoke. I sometimes imagined what her life must have been like, before she met my father. Grand parties in majestic houses, dances with the finest of the finest… She never seemed to miss it though, and she never complained. The love between her and my father evidence of why she made that decision so long ago.

 

My eye caught a flash of purple on the sofa next to me. I lifted it carefully as I realized what it was. Her embroidery… Ma had been famous for her stitching. “Works of art,” they called it. She could make anything. Here, she had taught me well. My usually clumsy fingers were able to find purpose in fabrics and thread. The lump in my throat grew steadily as I remembered exactly what the embroidery was for. It was a handkerchief… My handkerchief, embroidered with my mother’s favorite flower, the Mayflower, and my initials _I M S:_ Isabella Marie Swan. My fingers traced the soft colors as I remembered one of the last conversations between my mother and I.

 

_“Ma, please, whatever will I need a string of personalized handkerchiefs for?” I had laughed, not understanding the use of her new project._

_“My dear, you are coming of age,” she said simply, as though I needed no other explanation._

_“And?” I pressed, a laugh escaping my lips in response to the look of mischief and secrecy that shone on my mother’s face._

_“Well, my dear child, the way to catch a man is to simply drop your handkerchief in his presence. If he is a gentleman and finds you eligible, he will pick it up and return it to you. Also, it’s a wonderful way to start a conversation.”_

_She had winked and smiled knowingly, as though she knew everything about the subject. Excitement and anxiousness had grown in my stomach… I didn’t know much about conversing with the opposite sex, but I couldn’t wait for my mother to teach me._

 

Yet another tear ran down my cheek as I was reminded of all the things we’d never have the chance to do together.

    

“There you are, Missy. I’ve been look all over for ye.”

 

I startle, dropping the embroidery back on the sofa and hastily wiping my wet cheeks, before standing to my feet.      

 

“Mrs. O’Connor,” I said, nodding my head in greeting as I forced a small smile to my lips. My hands were gently folded by my stomach, my back straight and poised just as my mother had taught me.

 

“Ai dearie… No need for that. It’s only me.” Her soft Irish accent was comforting and familiar.

 

Maggie O’Connor had worked for my Ma and Pa ever since I was a little girl. She was the closest thing I had to a second mother. Her plumb finger immediately stroked my cheek, drying the remnants of my tears, as she studied me with her eyes.

 

“It’s all right to miss her, ye know?”

 

My eyes shifted to the ground in front of me, escaping her examining eyes.

 

“I know… I just-. I know she’d want us to go on, but I just don’t know how. How am I supposed to be the lady of the house without her to show me how?” I explain, expressing my hidden fear. The burden of my new role felt exhausting. Tears were yet again brimming in my eyes.

 

“I’m so tired of missing her all the time, Maggie,” I whispered.

 

Maggie wrapped her arms around me, pulling me to her round body for a warm hug. I allowed myself to relax and let go for a moment, reveling in the familiarity of her smell and soft limbs. She always smelled like freshly baked bread and flowers, very different from my Ma, but still wonderful.

  
“She’s taught ye your whole life, dearie. We all just need to adjust a little, is all,” she said comfortingly, holding me tightly for a few long minutes.

 

Her arms tightened around me as she squeezed gently. Keeping one arm around me, she turned slightly to allow her expert eyes examine the room.

 

“Ye know what this room needs?” she asked softly after a few seconds. Continuously, stroking my shoulder in comfort.

 

I simply shook my head, standing as close to her as I could, enjoying her warmth.

 

“We need to switch out them flowers. Your Ma would be aghast if she saw the state of them!” Maggie exclaimed, lightening the mood instantly as we both were reminded of how my mother loved to surround herself with fresh flowers.

 

A smile began spreading on my lips as I nodded in agreement. With her arm still around me, we made our way towards the kitchen.

 

“I got a large bundle of beauties from the marked this mornin’. Your Ma loved those arrangements of yours. Come on, Missy, let’s go make her proud. And then later ye can make your Pa’s favorite pie, huh?” 

 

It was as though a small weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I wasn’t alone. With Mrs. O’Conner’s assistance, somehow, life would go on as Ma had wished it.

 

 

I had been checking the new flower arrangements in every single room, just like Ma would have done, when I heard the front door shut softly. I wasn’t expecting any visitors so I was rather shocked and moved quickly towards the doorway. When I got to the hall, I instantly recognized my father’s lean figure.

 

“Pa! You’re home early,” I exclaimed happily, moving towards him quickly to help him with his coat. He kissed me softly on the cheek, a ghost of a smile spreading on his lips.

 

Ever since mother’s passing, Pa’s smiles had grown smaller and smaller. His dark brown eyes never lit up any more like they used to. He had always been a serious man, but when he was at home Pa would always smile and laugh whole heartedly with his girls. I missed that carefree and happy man and longed for his return. However, I knew that something in Pa had died the day Ma passed away… I could see it in his eyes. He wasn’t the same man anymore. So, I did my very best to cheer him up.

 

“I made you a pie today! It’s your favorite. And I did it all by myself. Maggie didn’t help me once!”

 

I had always loved helping Maggie in the kitchen. Although, I usually didn’t have time because of my studies and Ma’s projects, I used to love sneaking into the kitchen now and again to watch Maggie. After a while, Ma noticed my interest and agreed to allow me to spend a few hours every week in the kitchen.

 

_“Every woman should at least know a little bit about cooking,” Ma had said, causing my Pa to laugh loudly for some reason. Mother had simply raised an eyebrow at him in warning as he visibly tried to swallow his laughter._

_“Well… At least most women should learn a thing or two. Others simply don’t have a schedule that allows it,” she explained, lifting her teacup gracefully to her lips. Ma and Pa had shared a secret smile before changing the topic.  _

 

I wasn’t a great talent in the kitchen, but Maggie was always patient with me. I could now bake a good loaf of bread and was getting better at making pies.

 

“That sounds wonderful, Bells, I can’t wait to taste it,” he answered unconvincingly.

 

His mustache bounced slightly as he fidgeted with the hat still in his hands. I recognized the traits instantly. Something serious was on Pa’s mind. He had stood the exact same way the day he told me Ma had been feeling under the weather. Then he had insisted that I stay with the neighbors for a few days to make sure I didn’t catch anything. When I was called for a few days later, Ma had died… Anxiousness spread in my stomach as I continued to study my father. He had dark rings under his eyes as though he was having trouble sleeping, and his suit did seem to fit him anymore. I had noticed his lack of appetite, but I hadn’t realized -. My eyes widened in shock.

 

“You’re ill, aren’t you?”

 

His thick black brows furrow in confusion.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“That’s why you’re obviously so nervous. Pa, you get up to bed. I’ll be up there soon with some broth. You just need your rest. We’ll have to healthy in no time. Don’t you worry,” I rambled, pushing him towards the stairs. He paused abruptly, grabbing both of my hands in his forcing me to a stop.

 

“Bella, I’m fine.” His voice was calm and composed.

 

“No, you’re obviously not fine. You’re not sleeping. You’re barely eating… How can you be fine?!” I exclaim, the fear of losing yet another parent causing my emotions to amplify. Short and shallow breaths were leaving my mouth as my heart pounded in my chest.

 

“Isabella, breathe,” he ordered firmly, his hands now gripping at my shoulders.

 

His eyes held mine for a few minutes as I tried to collect myself. Pa’s strong arms lead me to the sitting room, guiding me gently to the sofa. The room was quiet for a few moments before my father’s deep voice rang out, breaking silence between us.

 

“I received a telegram today about a job opening,” he paused, looking straight ahead.

 

“I wasn’t aware you were looking for something else,” I said softly, willing him to continue. He turned towards me, his face all of a sudden looking much older. Years of reading my father’s emotions allowed me to recognize uncertainty and anguish as they flashed across his face.

 

“I wasn’t,” he answered simply. Standing abruptly from the sofa. I stayed seated, awaiting his explanation.

 

“I need a fresh start, Bella. A new beginning somewhere. This house-.” His voice began to break, proof of the obvious emotional war he was fighting within. I bowed my head, giving him as much privacy as I could. I felt uncomfortable, unsure of how I was supposed to act. I wasn’t used to seeing my father so emotional. He’d been unnervingly composed and somewhat cold even before the funeral. I hadn’t seen him break once.

 

“There’s just too many memories. I can’t stay here any longer, Bella. Please, tell me you understand that.”

 

In a flash he was by my side again, his eyes burning into the side of my face. His voice sounded desperate as he pleaded with me for understanding. I turned towards him, my hand finding his. Hoping my actions would give him a sense of comfort and assurance. There was truly nothing I wouldn’t do for him.

 

“Of course I do, Pa. Anything you need.”

 

Luckily, my voice seemed to have lost it childish uncertainty and rung out strong and reassuring.

 

He nodded carefully, squeezing my hand briefly in thanks. Relief was clear on his features, both on his face but also at the slight drop of his shoulders.

 

“I’ve spoken to Mr. Richardson about his son Isaac. The boy’s had a big smile for you some time now and he’d be a good match. He’d be able to take care of you and give you a life you deserve,” Pa said hastily. It took a few seconds for his words to register and when they did I stood up in shock.

 

“But, Pa, I want to stay with you!”

 

Isaac Richardson came from one of the wealthiest families in Saint Louis. We lived in a small town nearby, but I had met the family on several occasions. Isaac was quiet and respectful, so much so that we’d hardly even exchanged words. I didn’t know him at all!

 

“The job’s in Washington, Bella.” Pa’s voice sounded exhausted and resigned. My movements froze as I realized exactly which area my father was talking about.  

 

“Oregon territory, Washington?” I asked, my voice shaking with disbelief.

 

He nodded sadly, affirming my fear.

 

“That’s thousands of miles away!” I exclaimed.

 

The shock over the situation completely overriding my fine upbringing. Ma had been taught never to raise my voice, especially not to my elders. I had always been soft spoken and careful… This was the first time I’d ever contested my father’s words. The widening of his eyes was physical proof of his obvious surprise. He hadn’t expected this from me.

 

“I apologize,” I whisper, bowing my head in embarrassment. My cheeks heated up as a blush spread. Tears burned in my eyes as I tried to accept my fate. Pa was going to leave me…

 

I could hear him exhale deeply, before I felt his hands take mine. He was still seated on the sofa, so as he looked up into my eyes there was no way for me to hide. His brown eyes held mine as he pleaded for understanding.

 

“Bella, this is a great opportunity for me. After the Oregon treaty, thousands of people are moving northwest to the new American soil. Even people from the California gold country are moving upwards in search for something new. They are in desperate need of lawmen…I have to go.”

 

My heart raced in my chest. I would ask him one more time.

 

“Then I’ll come with you.” The lump growing in my throat muffled my voice to a whisper. I could see he was debating with himself with the way his mustache moved.

 

“Bella-,” he began, but I interrupted him. I had to show him that I meant what I said.

 

“No, Pa, please? I just lost Ma I can’t bear to lose you as well.” Tears welled up in my eyes, but I was able to keep them at bay. He looked as though he was in pain, but I could see that he was carefully considering my request.

 

“It won’t be anything like this… the frontier is wild and unclaimed. You’d have a better life here.”

 

I’d heard stories about the West... My body shuddered before I could stop the reaction. I lifted my head to show a confidence I didn’t know I had in me.

 

“I’ll adapt,” I promised.

 

“There’s so much you don’t-.” I could see how he was grasping at excuses now. He wanted me to go with him… It was evident in his face now.

 

“I’ll learn,” I vowed.

 

He still looked unsure, so I begged him with the final argument I had in me.

 

“Pa, please, don’t shackle me to a loveless marriage simply because it would be more practical. Ma, would never have allowed it.”

 

I knew bringing up my mother was harsh, but it was the truth. Ma had been thrown out of her family for wanting to marry Pa. She’d lost everything, but she always said it was worth it. _“Love never fails,”_ she’d said. A good marriage was supposed to be based on love… Both of my parents had taught me that.

 

The conflict on my father’s face disappeared instantly. He closed his eyes for just a moment as though he was remembering something, before he slowly began to nod in agreement.

 

“Okay,” he whispered. My heart swelled in my chest with happiness. I knew that what lay ahead would be very different from what I was used to, but with Pa by my side… We’d manage.

 

 

 

 

        


	2. Awakening

**Awakening**

_We were surrounded by darkness. On every side, massive trees stood tall not allowing even a glimmer of sunlight or warmth to enter.  Shadows stretched and played on the ground, moving as though they were alive. Fingers of mist reached towards the sky growing thicker and thicker as time went by, making it impossible to see ahead. The lack of sight made it even more difficult to navigate between the towering trees. The forest felt eerie and cold as we tried to make our way through it. Strange and suspicious sounds would startle us from both sides causing me to scream and Silver to neigh or puff with frustration. My skin felt slick and my clothes wet because of the humidity in the air, but the degrees were continuously growing colder because of nightfall. I could now see every exhale that escaped my mouth. We had to find a way out before it grew any colder!_

 

_My cold fingers grasped Silver’s mane tightly as I held on for dear life as we passed through a particularly rough passage. Moss grew thickly in these parts, camouflaging the uneven ground and the hidden dangers that lay beneath. Here large rocks could be found, their surface slick because of the moss making it very easy to slip and fall. Sharp sticks lay waiting amongst the rocks, ready to cause serious injury to any living creature that fell victim. I willed Silver to move carefully as we descended a steep hill. My heart caught in my throat as I felt his hooves slip on the uneven ground. He regained his footing quickly. With no saddle, I could feel his strong muscles move between my legs. The lack of equipment made it extremely difficult to hold on. My entire body was growing exhausted as every muscle fought to keep my body from falling off. A sigh of relief escaped my lips as we finally reached safer grounds. I guided Silver to a stop, allowing us a few moments of rest. He was tired and sweaty from our long journey. Here, the trees were further apart. I knew we were still deep within the forest, but we had to be close to an exit now. Carefully, I freed my frozen fingers from his long mane. It hurt to move them, but I knew I had to warm them somehow before we continued. I had to be able to hold on tightly as I rode._

 

_Suddenly, a sharp and unfamiliar sound rang out from my right causing Silver to startle and move abruptly. Before I could even grasp what was happening, I was falling backwards towards the ground. A scream escaped my lips as I prepared my body for impact._

 

My eyes shot open as I inhaled sharply. Short gasping breaths followed as I tried to still the rapidly beating heart in my chest. My head moved harshly from side to side as I tried to take in my surroundings. A loud sigh of relief escaped my lips. I was no longer in the woods! I was safe… I leaned back against the soft pillows, breathing in deeply. I was attempting to slow down the drumming heartbeat in my chest when a thought dawned on me. Was I safe? Yet again, my eyes began moving around the room, quickly realizing how unfamiliar it was. Where was I? A sudden movement coming from the foot of the bed caused me to still instantly and shut my eyes.

 

“Bella? Did you have another nightmare, my dear?”

 

The questioning voice was soft and feminine.  I was unable to place the voice, but it sounded strangely familiar. My brain felt hazy and slow as I tried desperately to remember where I was. I could feel the woman’s presence as she moved closer. The unfamiliarity of the situation and the lack of memory caused my body to shake visibly. A cry escaped my lips the moment a soft, warm hand touched mine.

 

“Shhh…sweet girl, you’re safe,” the woman whispered soothingly as she stroked my hand carefully.

 

The action and voice felt so familiar, yet I was unable place it! I could feel tears of frustration and fear well up under my eyelids before finally finding the courage to open them slowly.

 

Warm hazel eyes met mine and I felt a strange calm set over me. Something about this woman made me feel safe and protected. As I studied her I noticed her eyes widening slightly as she searched mine. Her mouth also reacted by opening in a surprised ‘o’, before changing into a happy smile.

 

“You’re awake!” she exclaimed, relief obvious on her voice. Her eyes continued to hold mine as she grasped both my hands with hers, squeezing them tightly in excitement.

 

“You’re awake,” she repeated, her voice softer now. Although, it really wasn’t a question, I couldn’t help but nod in response. The smile on her face growing even larger as a surprised laugh escaped her lips.

 

“Carlisle!” she shouted, startling me.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you, dear. I’m just so happy to see you awake, Isabella,” she apologized, rubbing my hands more firmly.

 

The name _Isabella_ sounded strange on her lips. For some reason, it felt natural and familiar for her to call me _Bella_ , as she had done earlier. Who was she? Why was she so familiar to me? Why couldn’t I remember her?

 

I was about to ask her my questions, when the sounds of heavy, male footsteps came through the door. The words stopped abruptly in my mouth. Unwillingly, I forced my gaze to shift from the safety and warmth I had found in the woman’s hazel eyes, to the lean male figure that had just entered the room. The man stopped in the doorway, allowing me to study him briefly before entering. He was tall with light blond hair, so light it almost resembled the color white. His eyes were blue, light blue, like the color of the sky when the sun stands at its highest. They were carefully observing me from a distance, taking in my every move. Again familiarity struck me… I felt like I should have known who this man was, but yet again I was unable to place him.

 

Frustration grew and I felt my brow furrow as I turned back towards the woman.  She was now sitting on the side of the bed next to me, her hands still wrapped around mine.

 

“Where am I?” I asked. My voice sounded raspy and hoarse, as though it hadn’t been used for a long period of time.

 

A look of worry and confusion passed on the woman’s face before she could hide it from me. The man’s heavy footsteps made its way towards the bed. I kept my eyes on the woman, focusing on her. The man stopped, taking his place behind the woman and in my line of sight. He placed his hands naturally on her shoulders, as though to bring her comfort. His eyes, however, were on my face.

    

“Can you tell me your name?” he asked softly. It didn’t go unnoticed that he hadn’t answered my question. I moved my eyes to the joined hands on the bed, feeling uncomfortable with both of them studying me. I took a few moments to calm myself before answering.

 

“My name is Isabella Marie Swan,” I paused, stealing a glance up at the woman again.  “But I usually go by Bella.”

 

 A warm smile spread on the woman’s lips in response to my words, but she stayed quiet, allowing the man to lead the conversation.

 

“My name is Carlisle Cullen and this is my wife, Esme,” he introduced, carefully studying my reactions to his words. I tried searching through my brain for memories of them, but it was as though part of my brain had been closed off, not allowing me access.

 

“Bella, I’m a doctor and would very much like to examine you quickly if that’s alright?” he asked carefully.

 

“Am I sick? Is that why I’m here?” I asked, desperate for answers. He paused, clearly debating with himself about how he was going to answer. Fear began to spread through me at his indecision.

 

“No, you’re not sick. But you have been in a severe state of shock,” he explained carefully.

 

“Shock?” I repeated, begging for him with my eyes to explain further. Instead of answering he moved, standing now next to me on the other side of the bed, opposite of his wife. His blue eyes were serious as he repeated his question.

 

“May I examine you, Isabella?”

 

The use of my full name seemed to enhance the importance and severity of the situation. I searched his face for any hint of malice or dishonesty, but only found sincerity and true concern. Slowly, I felt my head nod in agreement.

 

For the next few minutes, Mr. Cullen examined me carefully as Mrs. Cullen moved around the room. She puffed my pillows so I could sit up in the bed, and fetched water for me to drink. Both of them encouraged me to drink as much as I could. My body felt weary and weak, as though I hadn’t moved in months. This and my lack of memory scared me. During Mr. Cullen’s quite examination I was desperately trying to unlock my memories. My head gradually began to ache. There were no open wounds or broken bones. I remembered the dream I had before waking up… If I had fallen shouldn’t there have been any injuries? Had the dream been a memory? Or was it simply a nightmare? I couldn’t find the answer no matter how hard I searched. By the time Mr. Cullen had finished, I was exhausted both physically and mentally.

 

Mrs. Cullen had fetched a plate of food for me and was trying to feed me when my patience ran out.

 

“No,” I said, shaking my head away from the spoon of broth she was guiding towards my mouth.

 

“Bella, you have to eat,” she begged, concern obvious in her voice.

 

“NO!” I shouted, visibly startling both her and her husband. Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried to calm myself, but the frustration was simply too strong.

 

“Please… Please, tell me. Where am I? Why am I here? Why can’t I remember? ”

 

Hot tears were now running rapidly down my cheeks, my breath coming out in short gasps as I lost control over my emotions. Mrs. Cullen moved quickly, discarding the plate of food on a small table near the bed, before moving to sit directly beside me. She pulled my body into her arms; much like one would do with a child. Guiding my head to lean against her chest, she held me close, calmly stroking my hair and back to give me comfort.

 

“Shhhhh…. Calm down, my dear. We’ll find your answers, but you must calm down.”

 

She began rocking me gently in her arms, back and forth. The swaying and gentle strokes to my hair and on my back gradually began to calm me down. I stayed still, enjoying the warmth from her body as the tears continued to run down my cheeks. Time passed, and when I finally felt calm enough, I allowed my eyes to open. There, kneeling on the ground in front of me was Mr. Cullen. His eyes were apologetic, filled with concern as he studied me yet again. When he saw I had calmed down, he questioned me carefully.

 

“What is the last thing you remember, Bella?”

 

Keeping my eyes on his and my breathing calm, I began searching my brain to find the answer to his question. Glimpses began flashing through my head like lightning.

 

“I was in the woods… it was cold,” I paused, a shiver making its way through my body.  Automatically my body huddled closer to Mrs. Cullen, seeking her warmth.

 

“I was walking towards the house… Something was wrong… I -.”

 

The images that flashed in my mind were terrifying _._

_My father struggling… his face in agony… his screams… a blade… blond hair… my handkerchief… fire… fear… bl-._

 

“Blood,” I gasped, before shaking my head sharply, willing the flashes of images away as dread began spreading in my gut.

 

“Where is my father?!” I demanded, pushing my body away from Mrs. Cullen.

 

My tone of voice and actions were much harsher than I had intended. I was usually very polite and softspoken. However, in that moment the growing frustration and fear of the unknown completely overshadowed my general respect for social norms.

 

The images continued flashing as I tried to keep my eyes fixed on Mr. Cullen’s. My body began rocking back and forth, my hands clutching my head as the ache now had evolved into a piercing pain.

 

_The doctor’s icy blue eyes filled with grief and regret… “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Esme stripping me of my clothing, bathing me… my hands covered with blood…_

 

Loud whimpers were now escaping my lips, my eyesight blurred as I pleaded for the pain to end.

 

 “MAKE IT STOP!”

 

_A lone casket being lowered into the ground… All eyes on me… Looks of pity, fear, pain, interest… “This can’t be real… can’t be real!”… “I’m completely alone.”_

 

A sharp pain began spreading from my arm. Darkness had yet again taken me prisoner.

 

 

I was floating in a place between dream and reality. Voices could be heard around me. Yet, although I willed my body to wake up, it wouldn’t respond to my request. Instead, I lay still, observing the words that were spoken around me.

 

“She’ll wake up soon, Esme.” I recognized the voice as Mr. Cullen. He must have been standing further away, because I had to focus hard to hear his words.

 

“What if-?” Mrs. Cullen’s voice broke. Compassion towards her automatically spread through me. She was a kind woman, who didn’t deserve any grievances.

 

“I believe she’s over that. People react very differently in these situations, but I don’t think she’ll return to the catatonic state she was in. She was completely lucid, Esme! Even after her previous nightmares she’s never been lucid like that before. But she’s been through a horrible ordeal. It’ll take a long time for her to regain both her memories, and physical strength. But we’ll be there for her.”

 

Slowly but surely, my memories were growing clearer. They weren’t all there, but I was able to access some of them. I tried to focus on the most recent period of time. These memories were unclear and somewhat of a blur to me, but they were there. I could remember feeling numb and being lost in my own head; unable to move or even control my own train of thought. I recalled the nightmares that would follow every time I closed my eyes. I would wake up screaming, but was unable to describe or explain my dreams. Mrs. Cullen… I remembered her now. She would hold me close until my body stopped shaking from the fear that always lingered for hours after I woke up. Time seemed to pass without my knowledge. I could recall Mrs. Cullen’s presence lingering in the room, her gentle coaxing as she tried to get me to eat. But most of all, I remembered the numbness and the feeling of being a prisoner inside my own body. I couldn’t recall exactly what changed, but all of a sudden, it was as though I had finally woken up from a very long and deep slumber

 

A hand gently stroked my forehead bringing my back to the present, my consciousness gradually finding its way back as I listened.

 

“She’s so young, Carlisle. How will she deal with this situation? She’s barely eighteen and has outlived both her mother and now her father. We weren’t able to salvage anything from the fire. How will she even manage?”  Mrs. Cullen’s voice was soft, but the worry she felt shone through.

 

“Perhaps her father had some savings put away in a bank for her, or maybe she has family somewhere who will send for her. Who knows, perhaps she has a suitor we don’t know about, someone she’s been promised to. She’s of the right age and from a respectable family. If all else fails, Esme, she will stay with us until a match can be made. Jasper has moved away, so we have room to keep her if she wishes to stay. She will be alright,” Mr. Cullen promised, his voice growing stronger now.

 

Silence filled the room for a few minutes. I was now able to move my fingers and was just about to try to open my eyes, when yet another soft question from Mrs. Cullen filled the room. A question I became very interested in knowing the answer to.

 

“Do you think she was witness to what happened to her father?”

 

The hairs on the back of my neck stood tall as a cold sensation, like an ice cold wind in the middle of winter, began trickling down my spine. I recognized the emotion quickly: fear. The flashes I had seen earlier came back, however they were merely glimpses and not a complete memory. I remembered my father’s body being pressed to the ground, how he had screamed out in pain. I recalled wanting desperately to help him but for some reason I wasn’t able. I remembered a blade going repeatedly into his body, the growing fire as our house was set to flames, and the blood… There had been so much blood.

 

“I don’t know, dear wife. I pray she wasn’t. The damages that were done to his body… No man should ever fall victim of such a crime and if she was witness to that? She would have psychological issues following her, most likely, throughout her lifetime,” he paused, breathing in deeply before continuing. 

 

I desperately tried to search through the remaining glimpses for answers. I knew I had seen something… Who had made my father scream? I could hear his voice and see his face clearly, but everything else… It was as though someone had blurred all the details away! Why couldn’t I remember?!

 

“Also, if she were a witness and that came out… They would with certainty go after her as well. We have no sheriff at the moment, only the deputies. We both know that Masen and Crowley won’t be able to handle that kind of a protection detail and investigation with everything else going on. No, dear wife… Let us hope that she hasn’t seen anything suspicious. She has enough to deal with already.”

 

Silence filled the room yet again as I tried to wrap my head around what Mr. Cullen had said. If I did tell the truth, what would I be able to say? There were only a few small glimpses I could recall. Nothing concrete. Was the small amount of information I had worth risking my safety? Perhaps, risking my life? There was still so much I couldn’t remember! Would it be better if I never did?

 

But what if I did remember? Maybe not right away, but after a while? What then? Surely, I should help bring my father’s murderer to justice in any way that I could? If I stayed silent, my father’s murder would be of no concern. No one would take his case further and everyone would simply move on... His entire life turned into nothing.

 

My heart shattered as this thought came to mind. My father had been everything to me... I had loved him with every cell of my being. I couldn’t betray him like that... He deserved more.

 

I focused in on the few memories I had of that night, trying to remember the man who had taken my beloved father from me.

 

_Blond hair…my handkerchief lifted to his nose as he inhaled deeply._

 

The blood ran cold in my veins. The man’s face was still very much unclear, but the small glimpse reveiled one thing. One thing I could know with absolute certainty. My father’s murder would come after me… He would search for me; and when he found me-. I stopped the thought in its tracks, unwilling dwell on the certain horrors that lay ahead. No, I would have to do everything in my power to stay hidden. My thoughts were interrupted by Mr. Cullen’s voice.

 

“You should eat,” his voice was close, but muffled.

 

“I’ll eat when she eats,” Mrs. Cullen answered determined. I couldn’t help but feel guilty for all the worry I had caused her. She truly cared for my wellbeing and my actions seemed only to be causing her harm. I vowed not to become her burden. Somehow, I would find my way.

 

Mr. Cullen sighed deeply. The room was filled with silence for a few minutes before a muffled kiss could be heard followed by a soft whisper. Then the sound of Mr. Cullen’s retreating footsteps echoed as he took his leave.

 

I lay still, allowing time to pass as I carefully considered everything that had been mentioned. I felt so confused, my head exhausted by never ending questions. Questions I knew I needed answers to. The answers, however, scared me. Perhaps it was better living in the unknown? I also knew I had to prepare myself. I would also have to answer quite a few questions. They were waiting for me to reveal what I knew about my father’s death… And I really didn’t know yet how I was going to answer them.

 

As though she could feel the war growing inside my head, Mrs. Cullen placed my hand in hers carefully. Before I could stop it, my body acted by its own will, moving the hand now placed in hers to grasp her more firmly. A soft gasp escaped Mrs. Cullen’s lips before she quickly squeezed my hand firmly, as though to test my reaction. When I immediately returned the gesture she quickly broke the silence that had settled in the room.

 

“Bella? Are you awake?”

 

My eyelids fluttered as my eyes moved beneath them, willing them to open.

 

“You can open your eyes, Sweetie. It’s safe.”

 

Finally, a shimmer of light came through as I squinted carefully. My mind had been very much awake, but my body still felt groggy and slow. Every movement felt slow and forced. I opened my eyes fully, focusing in on the roof in front of me as I tried to listen to my body’s reactions. Soon, I was able to move my head towards the expectant Mrs. Cullen. The smile on her face was radiant, but her eyes somewhat cautious.

 

“Welcome back,” she greeted softly.

 

“H…Hi,” I was able to force out the words. My mouth was feeling extremely dry, making it very difficult to speak. I tried to swallow and wet my lips, without much help. It was growing more and more uncomfortable.

 

“Wa… Water? Puh..Please?”

 

Mrs. Cullen moved quickly. Moving a hand behind my head and lifting me slightly, before placing a glass to my lips. I felt embarrassed for needing so much assistance, however the embarrassment was quickly placed in the shadows of my desperation for water. Cold liquid spilt from the cup down my neck as I tried to drink.

 

“Careful, drink slowly.”

 

I took a deep breath, finally able to feel the water make its way down my throat. After a few more sips, Mrs. Cullen took the glass away and placed a few pillows behind my head to elevate me slightly.

 

“It’s the medicine,” Mrs. Cullen stated, before explaining further.

 

“The medicine Carlisle gave you earlier is why you’re feeling so thirsty. It will pass soon. Are you feeling any other discomfort?”

 

I thought for a few seconds before answering.

 

“I feel groggy. And my body… feels heavy and slow.”

 

She nodded.

 

“Also normal. You’ll feel better in a few hours. No nausea?”

 

I shook my head.

 

“Good. Then you need to eat a little.”

 

There was a small pot next to the bed and she quickly poured some of its contents onto a plate. The broth was surprisingly warm. I wasn’t hungry, but ate diligently none the less. Reminding myself that I needed substance to regain my strength. Mrs. Cullen was patient as she fed me slowly, allowing me to take my time. No words were spoken. When I finally finished, I felt better but tired. Mrs. Cullen removed the plate quietly and then helped me to get up into a sitting position. As she was leaning over me, fussing over the pillows behind me when I spoke up.

 

“Thank you.”

 

It was barely a whisper, but her movements stopped instantly. Her eyes glistened slightly as she faced me. She knew I wasn’t simply thanking her for helping me into a sitting position. A warm smile grew on her lips.

 

“You’re very welcome, Bella.”

 

She held my gaze a little longer before moving to tidy the dirty dishes. I grabbed her hand to stop her. I needed answers to some of my questions.

 

“How long have I been here?”

 

She looked apprehensive, uncertainty displayed on her features.

 

“I’m alright, I won’t… I won’t react so emotionally as before. I promise,” I vowed.

 

The uncertainty didn’t disappear from her face, however she moved to sit by my side as she had earlier. My hand comfortingly placed in hers. She took a deep breath before answering.

 

“You’ve been… distant and unresponsive ever since your father’s funeral.”

 

Flashes of a simple wooden casket being lowered into the ground ran through my mind, before the memory became clearer.

 

_My father’s burial had been simple, surrounded by people he had only just met, in a town that he did not yet know. I couldn’t remember much of the ceremony. However, I remembered the strong emotions that overflowed when the time came for my father’s simple, wooden casket to be lowered into a large hole in the ground. Mrs. Cullen had been unable to hold me back as I shouted for the men to stop. Something about my father being placed underground terrified me. I was irrational, I knew that now. But I just couldn’t let them take him away from me. If he was buried I would never be unable to touch him again; spend time with him; laugh with him… I would be completely and utterly alone. The reality of his death struck me at that moment, and I just couldn’t accept it. Before I was able to reach my father’s casket, Dr. Cullen’s strong arms had surrounded me forcing me to stop. I had fought against him, but he was simply too strong. I begged:_

_“Please, don’t let him leave me! Don’t put him in the ground where I can’t see him!”_

_His arms had tightened around me._

_“You father is no longer in that body, Isabella.”_

_The loss of my father had struck me at full force that moment, and I had crumbled in Dr. Cullen’s arms._

 

After that my memories were hazy and unclear.

 

“You suffered an emotional breakdown after your father’s burial. You’ve been awake, but…,” she paused, her eyes willing me to prepare myself for what she was about to say.

 

“That was two months ago.”

 

Instantly, I felt parched and nauseous. I had lost much more time than I had expected. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I tried to force them away.

 

“We did our best to feed and hydrate you. I’ve been moving your joints to keep them in movement, but you’ll have to exercise carefully to get regain your strength. Carlisle would carry you outside in the garden… Do you remember any of this?”      

 

I shook my head and took a deep breath. The tears were still welling up in my eyes.

 

“Very little,” I whispered, looking down at my lap.

 

“I remember feeling numb… lost.”

 

Mrs. Cullen gently stroked my hand in comfort.

 

“Carlisle says it’s quite normal after… Apparently, the body simply shuts down to protect the mind.”

 

She let the explanation linger. Silence grew between us as I tried to understand what had happened to me.

 

“Is there anyone I can call for? You said no before the funeral, but there must be someone?”

 

I shook my head, moving my hand to wipe away the few tears that had escaped.

 

“There’s no one. My Ma and Pa were married without their family’s consent so… I’m not really acquainted with either side. My parents never really mentioned their families, so I wouldn’t even know where to look. They’re in Boston somewhere...That’s all I know. It’s just been me and my Pa ever since my Ma died…There’s no one to call for. I’m the only one left.”

 

Her hand squeezed mine gently, as a few more tears made their way down my cheeks.

 

“Bella, I hate to ask, but I think it’s better if you hear it from me first. You should prepare yourself for this question,” she paused, waiting for me to lift my gaze and meet hers.

 

“Do you remember what happened the night of your father’s death?”

 

Her hazel eyes were serious, searching mine for any reaction. I tried to maintain calm, but just thinking about that night made my blood run cold and sweat to form at my brow. I opened my mouth several times to answer, but no words would come out. She began stroking my hand again, trying to soothe me. Finally, I was able to answer shortly.

 

“Just bits and pieces.”

 

She nodded in response, accepting my pitiful and weak answer. She took a deep breath, exhaling deeply before continuing her questioning.

 

“Did you see anyone, dear? Did you see who hurt your father?”

 

Instantly my eyes fell to our joined hands. Should I tell her the truth? Lie? Say I couldn’t remember yet? I took my time, thinking about the different options, wracking my brain for an answer. She stayed silently by my side, allowing me time to think. Suddenly, the last words my father had spoken to me echoed in my mind.

 

_“...No matter what happens, always make sure that your decisions are what’s best for you...”_

 

_“Be safe, kiddo!”_

 

Safe... My father had wanted me to stay safe. My life would certainly be placed in jepordy if I told the truth… But…

 

Still unsure if I was doing the right thing, I raised my eyes to hers again before answering carefully.

 

“No, I didn’t see anyone.”

 

The lie fell effortlessly from my lips.  

  


	3. Regaining Strength

**Regaining Strength**

 

Warmth spread across my body like a warm breeze on a summer’s day. My limbs felt light, renewed with energy as they moved languidly in the water. A soft scent of lilac filled the air. The smell relaxing and familiar, bringing me back to a time long ago. My mother had always enjoyed the luxury of fine soap, and my father… He would do anything to bring a smile on my mother’s face. I hadn’t touched a bar of fine soap since her death... Until today. Mrs. Cullen had insisted upon it, stating that I _deserved_ something special.

 

Closing my eyes, I moved my body lower, bending my knees so I would have room in the tub. The water caressed my skin as I leaned back slowly, allowing the warmth to spread to the back of my neck, then to my ears and finally to my cheeks. As the water covered my ears, reality seemed to drift away. My worries and troubles becoming nonexistent in this watery haven. Here, I could find peace.

 

I inhaled deeply through my nose, closing my eyes as I focused on the sound of my breathing. In through the nose and out through the mouth. In and out, in and out… My hair moved lazily in the water lightly tickling my skin. The soft movement easily compared to a bed of flowers dancing in the wind.

 

_Behind my eyelids a new world began to appear. I could see myself dancing in a meadow of flowers. Barefooted, and dressed in a simple white chemise. My hair undone, cascading down my back as it danced in tune with my movements. Sunlight warmed my skin as I twirled. Around and around. Without a care in the world._

 

Unwillingly, a stab of pain spread in my chest bringing me back to reality. The pain reminded me of how my fantasy world was just that, a fantasy, nothing more. Desperate to hold on to my peace, my haven, I allowed the water to spread. I dipped my head back all the way, until it touched the strong metal with a soft thump. I was now completely surrounded by water. I closed my eyes tightly and held my breath as I held on to my dream world.

 

_A smile spread on my lips as I could see myself twirling faster. My arms spread out, palms lifted upwards towards the sky as though I was trying to capture every ray of sunlight in my hands._

 

My lungs began to cry for air, but I wouldn’t let go of my haven… I couldn’t. Not yet.

_Suddenly, my figure stopped twirling. Something had caught my eye, but I couldn’t see what it was. Slowly, I watched myself bend down to touch something on the ground. Around me the sunlight disappeared and darkness surround me, a harsh wind whipping against my body. The Bella in front of me turned, her eyes filled with tears and shock as she looked down at her hands._

 

Cold fear spread through my body as I fixed my gaze on what she was looking at.

_Blood… Her hands were coated with the color red… Behind her I could see a tall, dark figure approaching rapidly. The darkness made it difficult for me to see, but as he came closer the sky filled with light as lightning struck. His face stayed hidden under the shadows of his black hat. But his long, blond hair was revealed as it moved in the wind from under his hat._

My heart began to beat rapidly in my chest as he came closer. Why couldn’t she sense him coming? She had to run!

 

_Again a shot of lightning spread across the sky. In the man’s left hand I could glimpse the contours of a small handkerchief with purple inscriptions. I recognized the color and the shape. I already knew what the inscription was… IMS. Isabella Marie Swan. He was coming for me…_

_Abruptly the man raised his right hand displaying a shiny blade. Before I could even register what was happening, the blade descended, striking my unsuspecting figure like a snake. His arm quickly retreated, removing the blade from my chest. I watched in horror as the figure in front of me changed. A man now stood in front of me, with dark hair and brown eyes so much like my own… Pa!_

_I watched, my body frozen with fear, as my father looked down at his chest. His eyes widening with shock. We both watched as the terrifying color of red began to spread from his wound and across his chest. His crisp, white shirt was now drenched with blood. A manic, distant laughter sounded in my ears. With rapid movements the blade struck my father’s chest again… and again… and again._

 

My eyes shot open, my vision blurry below the water. Deep within my chest my lungs burned for air. With sheer desperation I pulled myself out of the water. A loud gasp echoing through the room as I took my first breath. My hands clutched the tub’s edges painfully as I tried to calm myself; to return back to reality.

 

Several more gasps escaped my lips as I gulped desperately after air. My heart was still racing in my chest as I tried to gain control over my breathing. Finally, my breathing stabilized somewhat. I forced my grip to loosen from the tubs edges. Carefully, I dragged my hands through the water in tight fists until they were directly in front of me. Hunching forward, my hair draping heavily down my back like an anchor, I slowly opened my fists. I could see my fingers shake as I turned the palms of my hands towards me. A shaky breath of relief echoed through the room as I was met with clean skin. My body visibly shuddered as images of dark red, blood-covered hands repeatedly flashed in my mind, alternating with the image of a terrifying, tall, and unfamiliar man with blond hair. Was he real? Or just a figment of my imagination? Could this be more than just a dream? A true memory of my father’s murderer? My entire body shook with fear and frustration. Why couldn’t I remember?

 

A sharp knock at the door startled me. A soft cry escaping my lips before I could stop it. I hunched forward even more, hiding my naked body from the intruder as the door opened. My body shuddered, my limbs frozen in fear.

 

Mrs. Cullen’s lean figure entered the room, closing the door quickly behind her. Although I knew there was nothing to fear from her, my body and my mind were still very much affected by what I had just seen. What I had experienced... Memories were mixing with fantasies, overshadowing reality. I felt so confused… So scared and frustrated with my lack of memory. And so completely and utterly alone.

 

Unaware of my inner battle, Mrs. Cullen moved towards me with confident steps. Her dress creating a swishing sound across the floor.

 

“I found you some clean clothes. They might be a little large for you, but I think they’ll fit just fine,” she said softly, breaking the tense silence in the room.

 

Her voice was soft and warm, but I simply couldn’t find the will to move or reply. A part of me begged for me to open up, to ask for help…to tell the truth… But I couldn’t find the will to make my lips move. The flashes of blood-covered hands, and blond hair waving in the wind continued to play in my mind, instantly causing yet another chill of fear to spread through me. Instead of moving in response to her presence, I sat still; frozen. My hands now tightly wrapped around my knees as I sat hunched forward, as though to protect myself from any intruder. I could sense her moving closer to me, but the flashes were coming faster, becoming more vivid, and completely occupying my mind.

 

THUD

 

The sound was soft, but it caused my body to startle, bringing me back to reality. The flashes instantly disappearing. Mrs. Cullen had placed something on the chair next to the tub, creating a sound when she dropped it. As though she could sense my fear and uncertainty, she moved slowly and predictably towards me. Her footsteps slow, but strong against the wooden floor.

 

“How’s the water?” she inquired softly. Her voice only just above a whisper. I tried to open my mouth to answer, but my lips simply wouldn’t move.

 

I could feel her standing right next to me now. Without waiting for my response, she dipped a small rag into the water. Very gently she moved the rag up to my shoulder, carefully observing how I responded to her touch. After a few moments she continued, dragging the rag downwards to my elbow, before dipping into the water again. The rag followed the same path a few more rounds, before moving to my back and the rest of my body. Mrs. Cullen’s touches were soft and gentle as she washed me, the warm water easing my tense muscles. With some coaxing, I was able to relax finally releasing my strong hold around my knees, allowing myself to lean back. Carefully, she began washing my hair. A soft melody sounding from her lips as she worked.

 

“You have such beautiful hair,” she said, carefully pouring water over my hair to clean out the soap.

 

“So thick and dark. I remember wishing for hair like this when I was younger,” she paused, a soft laugh falling from her lips as she twirled my hair with her hands. Her grip tightened as she expertly squeezed out some of the water from my locks.

 

“I guess that’s one of mankind’s many flaws. We always long for what we can’t have, instead of appreciating what we do have,” she continued.  

 

She rubbed a rag against my hair drying it as much as she could before moving to the side of the tub. With guiding hands and strength beyond what her lean and small body appeared to possess, she helped me to my feet, down the makeshift step and out of the tub. As she draped a large towel over my shoulders, I touched her wrist with one of my hands. Her hazel eyes immediately finding mine. I wet my lips, searching for words.

 

“I don’t know how I’ll be able to repay you for your kindness,” I whispered. My voice still hoarse. Dr. Cullen had explained that this also was a result of my many months of silence. Mrs. Cullen’s eyes softened and compassion radiated from every feature on her face.

 

“You deserve every ounce of kindness I can give you, Bella.” 

 

Her eyes held mine for a moment, before she continued her work in silence. Her movements were confident and professional. A part of me felt self-conscious and embarrassed standing naked in front of Mrs. Cullen, in front of anyone really. But something about Mrs. Cullen made me feel calm and safe. I couldn’t understand it. My conflicting emotions were confusing me to no end. Silence had yet again filled the room as I lost myself to my thoughts.

 

Soon my skin was dried and Mrs. Cullen began adorning my body with unfamiliar clothes. Not one piece of clothing my own. The size of the clothes appeared to be the same those of Mrs. Cullen’s, so I had to presume they were hers. Guilt grew in my stomach as I thought about how much she and her husband were giving up to help me. I swore to myself that I would find some way to repay them. They had helped me so much already, and I would hate to become more of a burden for them. 

 

When the final button was secured, complete and utter exhaustion spread through my body. My bones felt like led and my muscles were weak and unsteady. I felt my knees give way as I fell back against the chair behind me. Mrs. Cullen steadied me, her brows furrowing with worry as she studied me.

 

“I’m okay,” I said, trying to reassure her. My unsteady voice and harsh breathing contradicting my words.

 

“I just need a moment,” I continued, forcing my voice to sound stronger. I could see Mrs. Cullen nodding beside me, silently agreeing to my request. Squeezing my shoulder she moved behind me, running a brush through my hair before braiding it expertly.

 

My weak and fragile body annoyed me to no end. I wasn’t used to feeling so useless… That and my lack of memory…

 

“You’re body has to heal, Isabella. It’ll take some time, but you’ll be back on your feet in no time,” she said softly, as though she could read my mind.

 

“I feel so useless,” I admitted in a small voice, closing my eyes as tears burned behind my eyelids. I felt Mrs. Cullen move to kneel down in front of me, but I refused to meet her eyes. I felt miserable and was embarrassed by my obvious complaining and lack of strength.

 

“Bella… Can you look at me dear?” My eyes blurred with tears, but I forced myself to glance her way. She touched my hand, squeezing it reassuringly before she continued.

 

“Death is no stranger to us out here. It may sneak up on us during the night, or shock us during the day. However, you never get used to life’s brutality… God has challenged you with a great burden. You’ve lost both of your parents at a young age, and you’re in a new place with no familiarity around you,” she paused, lifting one hand slowly to touch my cheek. When her thumb stroked my upper cheek, I realized that wet tears were now streaming down my face.

 

“Your body is healing, but it’s weak and it will be weak for a while longer. Your mind shut down to protect itself and I know you’re confused and frustrated as you try to piece everything together.”

 

Mrs. Cullen took a deep breath, before she continued. 

 

“I want you to understand that it’s okay to feel useless. It’s okay to be angry and upset. Anyone in your situation would feel the exact same way. Just -,” she stopped abruptly. Her eyes distant as though she was remembering something familiar and unpleasant. When she finally continued, fierce determination radiated from her soft features.

 

“Don’t let the darkness surround you until there’s no way out. Don’t give up…Please, Bella,” she paused again, allowing her words and pleas to sink in before she continued.

 

“You’ve only been lucid for two days and you’ve made such progress already!” she exclaimed, a confident smile spreading on her lips.

 

“Bella, you are a strong, young woman with so much to accomplish in this world. And you will succeed, I just know it. I would love to be a part of your journey. To be your confidant, or anything else you might need. If you’ll allow me-. Us. Carlise and I would love to be a part of your life, and help you in any way we can. Allow us to share your burden.”

 

A sharp knock echoed through the room, interrupting our conversation. Mrs. Cullen’s kind words warming my broken heart. The door cracked opened, no one entered, but a voice rang out.

 

“May I enter?” I recognized Mr. Cullen’s voice immediately.

 

Quickly, I raised both my hands to my cheeks to dry the remnants of my tears. Mrs. Cullen waited for me to finish before responding to her husband’s request.

 

“Come on in, Carlisle.”

 

Instantly, the door opened and Mr. Cullen’s tall figure entered the room. His clear blue eyes searched mine, a wide and welcome smile on his lips.

 

“Your chariot awaits, young lady. I’d say you’ve had enough excitement for one day,” he said, his voice bright and determined.

 

He quickly placed an arm under my knees and the other on my back as he effortlessly picked me up from the chair and up into his arms. I still felt somewhat uncomfortable with being carried around, but my arguments had been quickly been dismissed when I raised them earlier.

 

_“You mustn’t exhaust yourself, Bella. If you push yourself too hard, it will only delay your recovery. We’ll work with regaining your strength slowly, but until you are able I will function as your legs for longer distances. Doctor’s orders.”_

So, I held my tongue and clumsily placed one arm around his neck for balance as he carried me out of the room with his wife in toe.

 

The Cullen house wasn’t like the fine houses in St. Louis, but they lived comfortably and were a well-respected family. Two women worked at the house, one as a cook and the other as a maid. I hadn’t met them yet, but Mrs. Cullen spoke warmly of them both. Although, I hadn’t seen much of the house, I knew it was a two story building with comfortably sized rooms. Today, had been the first time I’d moved out of the room I’d been in.

 

Mr. Cullen’s arms tightened as he moved towards the stairwell, taking the first steps lightly. Just as he was to take his next step the sound of the doorbell filled the room. Both Mr. and Mrs. Cullen instantly stopped their movements in response to the sound. Their eyes met as a silent conversation passed between them. Both of their features displaying a hint of concern and annoyance before they were able to conceal it. Mrs. Cullen nodded in silent agreement, turning around to make her way to the door.

 

Carefully, Mr. Cullen continued up the stairs. I could hear Mrs. Cullen’s soft voice greeting someone just as Mr. Cullen and I entered my room. He gently placed me on the bed, before respectfully stepping back, allowing me to get situated on my own.

 

“I want you to get some rest now, Bella. That bath must have taken a lot out of you. Esme and I will check in on you soon,” he said hurriedly as he retreated. I simply nodded in response, my mind instantly filling with curiosity.

 

Exhausted from the day’s events I leaned back against the pillows and tried to relax. I closed my eyes, but my mind wandered keeping me from sleep. As silence settled in the room, I realized that if I focused, I could hear the soft voices from the room below.

 

“Deputies… How may I help you?”  I heard, recognizing Mr. Cullen’s strong voice.

 

“Carlisle. Nice to see you again,” an unfamiliar, booming voice uttered.

 

“Likewise Masen. Crowley…” Mr. Cullen paused.

 

“Carlisle, how is Isabella?” The same booming voice asked, his tone genuine and concerned.

 

“She is recovering. She still has quite a while left to go, but she is making excellent progress.” I could hear a proud smile in Mr. Cullen’s voice.

 

“Sounds like she’d be able to speak with us then,” an unfamiliar and rougher voice stated.

 

Anxiousness spread through my body in response to his words. For some reason, simply the thought of speaking to someone from the law enforcement made me feel sick to my stomach.

 

“Mr. Crowley, Isabella is still very fragile. She’s still struggling with her memory loss, and I just -,” Mrs. Cullen’s voice sounded muffled and distant.

 

“We understand your concern and I promise you Esme, I won’t push her. But the truth of the matter is… We need to talk to her. We’ve already lost a lot of valuable time.”  What I believed to be Mr. Masen’s voice was softer as he spoke, but there was a sense of natural authority to his voice.

 

“We’ve already told you that she didn’t see anything. Don’t make her deal with this right now. She’s had a trying day,” Mrs. Cullen asked, pleadingly.

 

“I understand that, but we still have to speak to her personally, Esme. The sooner the better,” Mr. Masen answered.

 

“And we’ve waited long enough” Mr. Crowley’s voice was impatient and harsh.

 

“I’ve just put her to bed, but I’ll see if she’s up for it. If she says ‘No’, I won’t push her. Not today.” Mr. Cullen’s voice left no room for discussion. His tone of voice full of authority and strength.

 

I could hear Mr. and Mrs. Cullen’s joined steps ascending slowly up the stairs towards my room. My stomach turned in response to the sound. Nausea raced through me as my heart beat rapidly in my chest. My nerves were causing me to feel physically ill. My breath was coming out in short gasps, my mouth filling with water. As the door handle turned, I reached desperately for the bedside pan. I heard the door open as I emptied the contents of my stomach into the pan. The quiet room now filled with the disgusting sound of retching.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
